I met up with a friend of mine yesterday to help her set up her exhibition. While measuring the right distances between the pictures and adjusting the light I mumbled that I have always wanted to study photography and maybe someday have an exhibition of my own. She catched me saying it, told me to repeat myself louder and then simply asked "Well what's holding you back?". This started a series of conversations about life, the choices we make and fears we have. We ended up spending the whole evening talking about the topic, and when I finally got home at 2AM and we parted ways, she made me promise to do something about this thought of mine. What is really holding me back? I can easily come up with excuses such as lack of time and money. I found her example of people magically being able find more time to do things they really want brilliant: "Imagine a person in love. No matter how full the calendar might be, a person in love always seems to find time for the person s/he loves." It's as simple as that. Instead of dreaming of these things I love, I should start doing things I love.
My friend is a musician, who also studies arts. We happened to run into a friend of hers; an actor. We began to discuss about passion and talent, whether people such as musicians or professional dancers are just talented in their field of work or also passionate about what they are doing. They convinced me thinking that it doesn't always go hand in hand, usually the passion of doing something is elsewhere once it becomes work. At some point people just have to wake up to realize that the life they're living is the only one they get. There's no point sitting at home planning a perfect life for yourself, without realizing that this is your life you are living already. If your life consists of doing things you don't like or spending time with people who don't understand you, why do it? I don't mean that people should get even more lazy or ignorant, but that they should realize they're not getting a second try in life. Do the opposite: try everything that interests you and be open to people, also the ones that are different from yourself. Maybe they don't understand you or you don't understand them, but you can probably still learn something.
I have had things I've been passionate about. I love photography and music means a lot to me. I have always dreamt of studying music and taking singing lessons. C always tells me he would like me to find a profession where I could combine being with children and animals, things that make me happy. But when I think of my biggest dreams, I realize that traveling to New Zealand was one of them. I remember once saying to my sister that after I've managed to do this trip I can settle down. This was years ago, and I now have new dreams and goals that push me to move forward. It was foolish to think that things I do and decisions I make are so final. But it really was a big dream that came true, and somehow I managed to find time and money to do it as well. So why I couldn't I do the things I love, when I don't even have to travel to the other side of the world to do them? What's holding me back? Is it the people around me, is it time or money - or could it just be my own silly self? I think it's time for me to stop dreaming and start living.
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